Data Steward's Prayer

Our Data, which art in my email attachments folder, vulnerable be thy bits. A hacker comes, some stealing be done online as it is in meatspace. Give us this firewall and daily virus scan and resist any urge to click on email attachments, as those are the source of trespasses against us. And encrypt we must into unreadable hexcode to deliver us from lawsuit.

Amen.

SPC 2013 - Risk Management Haiku

We cannot eliminate risks.  We can only manage them.

We can also dazzle them with 5, 7, 5.

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Risk Management Haiku

Identify risks:
Boulders cling to mountain sides.
Gravity calls them.

Entropy calls us,
Daring the brave to forget
To run the backups.

Like the beaver's dams,
The change control processes
Keep torrents at bay.

SPC 2013 - Man In The Middle

This is a similar idea to the Shoulder Surf Sonnet, taking the perspective of the Bad Guy(tm).  Both are versions of social engineering attacks, though this one uses a bit more tech to steal the goodies.

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Man In The Middle

Words and pictures are on the wind,
Secrets are floating by.
A confession to you that I have sinned
While waiting to get to the sky:

My flight, it was late, the crew they just shrugged.
They said it would take a few hours.
So I opened the laptop all day I had lugged
And searched for wifi net towers.

Once I had signal, I smiled a grin,
And I started a small packet capture,
Which let me sit in on chats between kin,
Someone stealing a cover of Rapture.

Another was there surfing websites for some porn.
(I looked around, wondered who did it!)
But then I saw something that tooted my horn!
When I put out some bait, someone bit!

For I stole the gateway and whatever connections
That traveled by SSL tunnel,
And I sent all their passwords in wrong new directions,
Down the spout of an account-stealing funnel.

I gathered them all, all the ones that I could,
Before it was our time to board.
I hugged my PC, I hugged it right good
For it held all my ill-gotten hoard.

The time passed so quickly, I was so entertained
At the expense of all those around me.
I saw what they did, what their small lives contained
And how easy it was did astound me.

And when I get home from my time in the air
Where the words and the secrets do fly,
I look forward to using all the logins I dare
And draining every bank account dry!

SPC 2013 - Firewall

One of the tools in the infosec arsenal is the firewall.  Like any other tool, they can be used well and they can be used poorly.  When they are implemented incorrectly, they are an impediment for the good guys.  When they are implemented correctly, they act as a trusted sentinel for the good guys.

Here, I sing a song of praise for the well-designed and utilized firewall.

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Firewall

Each packet tells a story,
A single thread in the vast woven tapestry
Of ports and protocols and payloads.

Each handshake, each broadcast, each multicast shout
Race by my eyes and ears.

I stand alone as judge and executioner,
Making no decision without guidance from my Maker,
But once I'm told right from wrong,
You cannot pass if I deny,
You only pass if I allow.

I've gotten smarter after years of tricks and feints,
Endless shadowboxing, jabbing probes and roundhouse floods,
But I don't tire any more quickly
Than the caffeine-fueled demons that drive the engines
Of DoS and phish and drive-by blasts.

I stand and watch them fall.
I guard and shepherd the bits of this world
That hope only to speak freely with their partners
On the other side of the wall.

SPC 2013 - Shoulder Surf Sonnet

It's that time of year again.  It's time for another EDUCAUSE Security Professionals Conference.  We begin with a poem composed while in flight from home to St. Louis, the arch of my plane ride matching that of the great St. Louis Gateway.

I think I succeeded in writing this in iambic octameter.

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Shoulder Surf Sonnet

I shoulder surfed to watch you type
Your passwords, logins to web sites.
You did not hide secrets from me,
And all you are is what I'll be.

But I don't like just what you are,
The boring texts, pics from the bar.
I think instead I'll change your fate.
You can't deny; it is too late.

Your Facebook's now a shrine to cats.
Your Twitter tweets only 'bout bats.
Your Tumblr posts are all just spam.
Your email's linked to naughty cams.

Next time you type, you must take care
And watch for snooping meanies there.

Come At Me, Bro

BRO is a popular network analysis and monitoring platform among many higher education Security Offices.  Those who use it think very highly of it.  I dedicate this two minute play to them.

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"Come At Me, Bro"

STAGE CENTER, BRO (MID-30S IT SECURITY PROFESSIONAL, BUSINESS CASUAL DRESS) SITTING AT A SIMPLE DESK WITH A LAPTOP HOOKED UP TO A MONITOR ON TOP.  BRO IS SEATED IN PROFILE, SO WE'RE LOOKING AT THE SIDE OF THE DESK AND BRO IS FACING STAGE LEFT.  SINGLE SPOTLIGHT SHINES FROM BACK OF THE HOUSE ON BRO AND DESK.

BRO (typing on laptop):

I see you.  (TYPING)  And I see you.  (MORE TYPING)  And you.  And you too.  I see what you are trying to do.

You there, the TCP packet with no state flags set.
You there, the spammer, sending with no regret.
From China from Russia from IPs in Bombay,
From Jersey, Seattle, San Francisco Way.
Your traffic flies by me, each bit hits my eye.
The gusts hit me hard, and I try not to cry.

BRO STANDS, CIRCLES THE DESK AND POINTS AT THE SCREEN

But I swallow my tears, my upper lip stiff.
I log it all down, then I start with a diff.
Then I pull out a regex and load my DB,
And the patterns that form are something to see.

BRO GETS PROGRESSIVELY LOUDER AND MANIC, YELLING AT THE SCREEN NOW

You think you can hide as you pop out of TOR?
You think you can 'sploit some hidden backdoor?
You think I won't notice when your DoSes ignite?
You think I will cower and run from this fight?

BRO GRABS THE MONITOR, YANKS IT FROM THE DESK, THE LAPTOP SCATTERS, HE'S NOW SCREAMING INTO THE FACE OF THE MONITOR AND SHAKING IT.

My name is Bro, and I'm on to you!
And I will be watching, whatever you do!
Go ahead, bring it.  I dare you to say,
"Come at me, Bro!" Oh, yeah.  Let's play!

I don't think I posted these before. I created them for a haiku contest that EDUCAUSE has sponsored a while back.

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Mobile Device Haiku

Any time or place,
The world at our fingertips.
Data on the wind.

Message sent through air,
Dodging wind and rain and snow.
"Remember the milk."

"Secure mobile phone".
Truly an oxymoron
Like "gentle winter".

As was pointed out to me, these numbers do not represent real-life events. No one should assume these are accurate metrics over a twelve-day period for the average information security office. Now, if you add a few orders of magnitude...

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The Twelve Days of Infosec

On the Twelfth Day of Infosec, the network gave to me...
Twelve hackers hacking,
Eleven spammers spamming,
Ten form injections,
Nine busted authNs,
Eight bad configures,
Seven crap encryptions,
Six plaintext cookies,
Five Pastebin posts!
Four calling cons,
Three Wikileaks,
Two credit cards,
And a forced password change for us all.

Happy Holidays from the Songs of Infosec!

One (More Hacked User)

As a kid, I loved the dark, scary feel of Metallica's video for their excellent song, "One".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WM8bTdBs-cw

Some days, in the world of Infosec, things seem that scary.

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One (More Hacked User)

I can't remember my accounts.
They seem to come in large amounts.
Deep down inside, terror mounts.
My Facebook account's gone now.

With all of the hackers through with me,
I'm freaking out, this cannot be!
Just ain't nothin' left, you see.
My data is all but gone now.

Hold me up as I try backups.
Oh, please help, IT!

Banking accounts are there to steal.
They grab all the stuff then make a deal.
Trade your ID for a cheap meal,
And the bank can't figure why.

Spam is flowing from my email:
Tourists in London needing bail,
Stock market hints, amazing kale.
All with a link to malware.

Hold me up as I try backups.
Oh, please help, IT!

Now my phone has gone dead, I mourn.
Oh, please help me!
Hold me up as I try backups.
Oh, please help, IT!

Hackers!
Impersonating
What I can be!
Absolute horror!
I cannot surf,
I cannot stream,
Trapped without hope,
Living with life off-line!

Malware!
Has taken my Mac!
Taken my phone!
Taken my Windows!
Taken my PIN!
Taken my cash!
Taken my soul!
Left me with ID fraauuuudd!

M3AAWG - 7726

Did you know you can report mobile text message (SMS) spam to you cell phone provider?

You can!

Forward the offending message to 7726 from your phone.

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7726

Your mobile phone chimes.
Quick wind knocks screaming branches.
A new text arrives.

Interest falters,
Sun slips behind horizon.
It's a spam message!

Feel empowerment:
Use 7726!
Spite the spamming night.